The Scorpion's Tail

Let's set up a sting, shall we?

Let's put together our hidden cameras and microphones, and walk into this jackass's store.


Southwest Shooting Authority in Pinetop, Ariz. took out an advertisement last week in the local newspaper, the White Mountain Independent, that spelled out the store's new policy in explicit terms.

"If you voted for Barack Obama your business is not welcome at Southwest Shooting Authority," the ad reads. "You have proven that you are not responsible enough to own a firearm."

Let's recruit a young man and woman, the former wearing a cowboy hat and shitkicker boots, with a telltale Skoals circle in his rear jeans pocket, the latter a wide-eyed, lipsticked, none-too-bright-looking blonde. Two walking cliches, in other words. Driving a battered, rusty 70's Ford pickup truck, of course, with a rifle rack in the back window, festooned with nasty Republican bumper stickers like these:

Into the gunstore we go. The shitkicker cowboy buys whatever gun he wants, after name-dropping Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, and Sarah Palin a few times, perhaps adding a couple of re-nig jokes along the way. After the purchase is completed, the two head for the door, and right as they leave the blonde turns and says, in a voice as sweet and sharp as cyanide:

"By the way, we voted for President Obama." 

I would pay good money for that to happen. 

Asshat of the Day

Ian Shapira, for writing this idiotic article for the Washington Post.


Shiver or swelter?


It is a question that hardly anyone who has endured both Snowmageddon and Derecho Damnation wants to confront, if only because the question itself triggers its own torment.


In these end times, when the power goes out for what feels like forever, which form of suffering is more painful: freezing temperatures or triple-digit heat? In Washington, where caveats and serious deliberation reign supreme, many veterans of prolonged outages can’t summon a clear-cut answer.

He then rambles on about the most desirable ways to die (throwing in a bit of chain-saw decapitation for shits and giggles), finally coming down on the side of freezing to death.

Oh, for frak's sake. Is this a waste of typeface or what?

Why don't you try this idea on for size, Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky. Maybe if our elected officials would pull their heads out of their asses and actually do something about climate change, we wouldn't have to worry about either one of these grisly ends.

Cripes.

The Unicorn Conspiracy

So my Secretary of State, Ken Bennett, finally gave up his ridiculous "birther" crusade after Hawaii verified the facts of President Obama's birth.

(If I had been one of those Hawaiian officials Bennett kept pestering, I would have told him to take a flying leap at a rolling doughnut. You can't accept established facts? Sucks to be you.)

The thing that gets me is that Bennett supposedly began this stupidity because of 1,200 emails from constituents.

Honestly, it would surprise me greatly if there were only 1,200 nuts in my state. Nevertheless, does that mean we have to pay attention to them? Ken Bennett certainly ignored the petition (signed by more than 17,000 people) asking him to investigate whether or not Mitt Romney is a unicorn, and rightly so; such a supposition is ridiculous on its face (although a rather clever response).

So is the idea that the President was not born in this country.

Answer me this, Mr. Bennett. If 1200 of your constituents asked you to hunt down a Sasquatch, or drag Nessie from the murky waters of her loch, or dig up the alien bodies buried in Roswell, or open the old rusty hangar containing captured interstellar spacecraft in Area 51, would you sit up and hop to just because they're your constituents?

No? Then why would you pander to the equally loony birther crowd?

The proper response should have been this, a form email sent to all who questioned the President's birthplace.

Dear Arizona voter,


Thank you for your inquiry regarding the President's birth certificate. The answer to your question can be found here on the White House web site. As you'll see on the bottom of the PDF, Hawaii's state registrar on April 25, 2011 certified this is a true copy of the record on file. 


Of course, you are free to reject this evidence, and it is your right to believe whatever you wish regarding the President. However, if you insist on pushing these cockamamie ideas, you will have to do it without the State of Arizona's help. As Secretary of State, I will not allow our wonderful state to be dragged into this ridiculousness. 


I look forward to hearing from you on any other topic. Please do not bother me with this one again.


Sincerely, 


Ken Bennett

See how easy that is?

"A hard thing about business is minding your own"

"It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies."  ~C.S. Lewis

Some people may think it's not worth commenting on a piddling little paragraph in the paper, but as a feminist I think it's incumbent on us to knock down this nonsense whenever we see it.

In a small section of the Arizona Republic entitled "Plugged In," I ran upon this by someone named Mickey Greenburg.

I know it's petty, but...

Hold it right there, Hoss. Time out. If you know it's petty, why are you even saying it?

...I'm not alone in wondering about Hillary Clinton's new look. Hillary has been the perfect role model for middle-age women. Bright, attractive, articulate, knowledgeable, she set high standards. She has been exemplary in her many national leadership roles as first lady, senator and secretary of State. 

How frakking noble of you to acknowledge what Hillary Clinton has done. Tell me, exactly what does the length of her hair have to do with any of this? I believe she could have done it with a shag, bob, mullet, or even shaved bald.

With those credentials, it's hard to explain her decision about her new hairstyle. It was OK during the 1960s, when she was a college student. As a mature woman in her 60s, the long hair is silly, not stylish. What was she thinking? I can only guess that the stylist at her hair salon was a Republican. 

I happen to think Hillary Clinton's hair looks great. But even if I didn't, I wouldn't say a word about it. Why? Because her hair is none of my business.

I also find it ironic that Ms. Greenburg is a "retired weekly newspaper editor." I put this in quotes because I find this hard to believe. If she was a newspaper editor, she should know what she just wrote is nothing but sexist tripe, and should not have been published. (I sure as hell would have refused to print it, had I been her editor.)  We don't discuss President Obama's buzz-cut, for instance. Any female politician's hair, shoe and clothing choices should be strictly off-limits.

Especially since Hillary suffered through so much of this crap during the Presidential campaign--and she still does. This is ridiculous, it is sexist, and it does not deserve the label of "journalism."

“While photographs may not lie, liars may photograph.”

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to put its pants on. ~Winston Churchill

Via Daily Kos: the supposed "Weinergate" penis shots

My reaction: THIS was what all the fuss was about? Honestly, I've seen better erections in children's books.

Not to mention that if this wasn't created out of whole Photoshop cloth, I feel sorry for the erectee--he's suffering from some pretty severe Peyronie's disease. (Warning: link NOT safe for work. I happen to like this medical stuff, but your mileage may vary.)

Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill. But twisting facts--or plain making stuff up--is Andrew Breitbart's stock in trade, isn't it?

This Week's Zany Zonie Report

Oh, for crying out loud.

The Arizona Senate has approved a bill to give the state legal authority to go to court to take ownership of land owned by the federal government.

Governor Brewer and Esteemed Senators (not), if you're really so sick of being part of the United States of America, you should secede and be done with it.

(Except for Pima County, of course. As actual grown-ups, they want to remain a part of the Union.)

Then, when the new country is bankrupt and people are protesting a la Egypt, President Obama can send in a couple of Apache helicopters to conquer us and bring this stupidity to an end.


By the way, this is what happens when you elect Repooks--Radical Republican Kooks--to office.

Sarah Haskins Does It Again

How have I missed this?



I hardly ever watch TV, so I'm not up on the current state of commercials at all. However, Sarah's depiction of birth control ads as sanitized and sexless does not surprise me a bit.

I just wonder (although the answer should be obvious) how many female producers/directors said commercials have. 10-15 percent? Maybe? This should account for a sin of omission so great the viewer's lips shake and shimmy to shout it out.

Why do (most) women use birth control?

Not to control painful periods, but to AVOID PREGNANCY!!!

This is a "duh" moment if I ever heard one. However, any mention of pregnancy would confirm that women are indeed HAVING TEH SEX, and we can't have that. No matter whether women are single or married, the fact of their being sexually active must be swept under the rug...at least in teevee-land.

One wonders how all the children who watch said ads, and who advertisers are mortally afraid of offending (and/or educating) got there in the first place.

Stupid Is...

When I went for my walk this morning, I wondered where the smoke haze lying over town had come from. I could hardly see any of the familiar landmarks around our small community because of the smoke. It was enough to make me speculate about all the wildfires burning in Northern California sending the haze our way, although I couldn't imagine that smoke lasting so long.

When I got back and looked at this morning's paper, the tale was told. This article is not the same as I read, but the basic facts--and the basic idiocy of the perpetuator--are the same.

On Saturday, five hikers got lost and one of them left the group and started a signal fire to get attention, Skurja said. The sheriff's office began a search and rescue effort and saw the fire in the distance but because of rough terrain decided to wait until morning. Winds the next morning spread the fire, Skurja said.

COME ON, people. This is the height of stupidity. Everyone knows--or bloody well should know--how tinder dry our forests are right now. It is seriously irresponsible, to say the least, to light any kind of fire. The search and rescue effort had already begun--all the idiots had to do was wait it out and they would have been found.

As of today, the fire has grown to 5300 acres, and is still threatening the tiny mountain community of Crown King. Three homes have burned, and the town has been evacuated.

All because some jackass didn't have the sense God gave a goose.

If this sounds callous, so be it. I would no more light a fire even if I was lost than I would fly. I figure the forest, not to mention the people who live in it, is MORE IMPORTANT than saving my sorry stupid ass. The twit(s) who did this should be (a) slapped with a huge fine and (b) serve some jail time--30 days would be nice.

On second thought, no, it's not callous. Four pages of commenters agree with me.

It's None of Your Damn Business

What is this crapola about stores requiring a telephone number on checks? I've run into this at Wal-Mart, and each time I tell the cashier, "My number is unlisted and I don't give it out." (Actually it isn't--my initials and number are in the phone book--but you know what? I don't think it's any of their beeswax.)

Today I went to Albertson's to pick up a few items, and lo and behold, I ran into the Phone Number Privacy Invasion yet again. True, it's been a long time since I bought anything there (they're usually too pricey) so my checking account and driver's license undoubtedly weren't on file. So I went through my usual spiel.

"My phone number is unlisted; I don't give it out."

Lather, Rinse, Repeat for cashiers who apparently can't comprehend.

This time the supervisor was called over (or at least I assume she was the supervisor; she didn't look old enough to be a senior in high school) and I repeated myself, adding, "My phone number is none of your business."

To which she rattled off some nonsense about the check cashing company needing it. "No one will ever use it; we'll just punch it into the computer, or you can do it yourself"--indicating the little keypad where you swipe a debit card.

"Fine," I said, "I'll make one up then."

Which is what I did. The number I punched in bears no resemblance to my actual phone number. The only reason I can think of for any company wanting my phone number is if the check bounces, they'll want to get in touch with me--but hey, my bank can do that, thank you.

Nevertheless, my position remains the same. Maybe it's due to my working in a medical field and having to adhere to HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act), but I always figure no store needs to know this information, and they won't if I have anything to say about it.

There's precious little privacy in today's society, and I think it behooves each of us to guard what we have left.

(I also think this marks my Officially Becoming a Curmudgeon. Oh. My. God.)

What'd She Say?

I read today's Dear Abby and had to get up and look out the window, to make sure I hadn't been catapulted back to the 1950's.

DEAR ABBY: I haven't had a boyfriend for a while now, and I'm not sure why. Everyone says I'm cool, funny and outgoing. I play video games, sports, and do things that boys think girls would never do (like paintballing in the woods or bungee jumping over and over again).

All my guy friends think I'm awesome, and I do get compliments on my looks as well. I'm not a tomboy, I wear nice clothes and some makeup, but for some reason, whenever I get a crush on a guy, he says it would be "weird" because I'm a "really good friend."

What am I doing wrong? I love who I am and so do boys. So why don't they think I could be "girlfriend material"? -- BOYFRIENDLESS IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR BOYFRIENDLESS: It may be that "guys" see you as one of them. And because of it, they don't consider you in a romantic way. Therefore, it's time to emphasize your feminine side and present yourself in a different light. This may mean temporarily downplaying your involvement in boys' sports and paintball games, and amping up your "girlishness." Give it a try and see what happens.

What the devil kind of answer is that? Not one I'd want my daughter to hear, that's for sure. I really like the implication in the next-to-last sentence: "girlishness" is all but a shout-out for "weakness," to protect the boys' widdle bitty egos. Since the writer already stated she wears nice clothes and makeup, obviously the only thing left for her to do is act "feminine" (i.e., deferential and stupid).

This is NOT a message anyone needs to hear, least of all a teenage girl. I hope Jeanne Phillips gets slammed for this, because she certainly deserves to be. The proper response should have been as follows.

Dear Boyfriendless: Human beings have a universal need to be loved. However, it is never a good idea to sacrifice one's accomplishments and individuality to attract a mate. If the boys you are interested in have difficulties getting past your athleticism to see you as a potential girlfriend, that is their problem, not yours. Don't force yourself to become someone you are not to land a boyfriend. In time, someone will come along who will love everything you are and can do, and then you will both be happy.

Potter What?

I guess it's symbolic of my complete disconnect from the Potterverse that I can't understand why the revelation of the sexual orientation of a fictional character should rate (at last count) 486 articles in my Google News Reader.

Magical Day for Gays as Dumbledore is Outed

I guess I'm wondering why Rowling didn't just write him as gay to begin with, if that was her intention, but maybe she was (rightfully so) wary of attacks from pseudo-Christians.

For the record: I think it's a waste of time to go after Harry Potter and the people who read him. It's FANTASY, folks. This means that Harry, Hermione, Snape and the rest of Hogwarts DON'T EXIST. All your bitching about the dangers of sorcery and magic isn't going to change that.

Yes, I read a lot of fantasy and variations thereof--high, low, urban, paranormal, or whatever artificial dividers are being used nowadays--(although not Potter) and I don't think it's compromised my Christianity one bit.