The Aggressive Driver's Guide to Life

1. Your car's most important piece of equipment is a loud horn. The second most important is a radar detector. A fake license plate helps too.

2. Speed limits are almost always set 10-15 mph too low.

3. The right-of-way belongs to whoever takes it.

4. Size matters. The smaller vehicle should always watch out for the larger one, not the other way around. This means you're quite free to ignore bicyclists and pedestrians.

5. Your philosophy is: "Get the hell out of my way!" To that end, tailgating is a friendly reminder. People need to understand that if they'll just get a move on and/or move over, you can get past, they won't have anybody on their butt, and everyone's happy.

6. If there's no one coming when you reach a stop sign, there's no sense stopping.

7. Speeding tickets are badges of honor.

8. It's the cumulative time you save that's important, not the individual time. If one red light catches you in front of the pokeass you just roared past, so what? By the next light, you're long gone.

9. Your playlist reads as follows:

Prince, "Little Red Corvette"
Stevie Ray Vaughan, "Willie the Wimp and His Cadillac Coffin"
Waylon Jennings, Theme from "The Dukes of Hazzard"
Tracy Chapman, "Fast Car"
Kathy Mattea, "455 Rocket"
Bruce Springsteen, "Thunder Road"
C.W. McCall, "Convoy"
Sammy Hagar, "I Can't Drive 55"
AC/DC, "Highway to Hell"
The Eagles, "Life in the Fast Lane"
Foreigner, "Rev On the Red Line"

10. A miss of an inch is as good as a mile.

11. Germany's Autobahn is your idea of Heaven.

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