tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27323317.post7513911249646809288..comments2023-09-18T01:43:16.566-07:00Comments on Red Headed Femme: Oh HELL YeahBonnie McDanielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844134292228113704noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27323317.post-5928456063675700772007-09-20T14:05:00.000-07:002007-09-20T14:05:00.000-07:00When I first read that post, (awhile ago mind you)...When I first read that post, (awhile ago mind you), I thought that I would have been in total agreement with it....if I didn't believe in choice.<BR/>Women have a right to do what they want. If "all" they want to do is be a mother (and I put all in quotes for a reason) then who is anyone to criticize? People need to worry about their own lives and stop trying to dictate how others should live. As my mother used to tell my nosey self when I was little - MYOB.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27323317.post-56840563303304973152007-09-17T14:54:00.000-07:002007-09-17T14:54:00.000-07:00Oh it doesn't matter if you're infertile. I am. Pe...Oh it doesn't matter if you're infertile. I am. People want to know why my husband and I don't want to adopt. Don't you know there are 100s of kids out there who need a good "mother." Not parents--mother.<BR/><BR/>The reasons we don't want to adopt is 1) We'd be in our 60s by the time we got rid of the kids, 2) neither of us wants to be parents. We prefer the aunt and uncle gig. <BR/><BR/>Yeah I don't get the whole motherhood cult either. But then I've had reproductive problems since I was 18, so I pretty much knew I wasn't going to have kids.Shawna Atteberryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12752697766813703698noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27323317.post-16685310293198329012007-09-17T07:58:00.000-07:002007-09-17T07:58:00.000-07:00bonnie wrote:> Or, on second thought, leave him wi...bonnie wrote:<BR/><BR/>> Or, on second thought, leave him with the kids.<BR/><BR/>Actually, that's exactly the arrangement my parents had in case of divorce. Whoever asked for the divorce had to take the kids. Hmmm, well, they're still married, 40+ years later :-).<BR/><BR/>Dividing the work equally sounds great on paper, but it's REALLY hard in real life. My DH does a lot, but it's not half. I work at a paid job fewer hours a week than he does, so yeah, I do more around-the-house work. Now, I will say he shares pretty equally on the actual child-raising activities. I have NEVER said that he's "babysitting" the kids. If he had acted like that with kid #1, there would never have been a kid #2. DH is just as capable at getting the kids off to school in the mornings or going grocery shopping with them in tow as I am.<BR/><BR/>While good parenting is definitely "the hardest job you'll ever love" (take that, Marines!), I think the current obsession with motherhood is just another way for our patriarical society to try to keep women in their historical (second) place.<BR/><BR/>One thing I'd like to note -- I don't think enough credit goes to work-at-home moms (I hate the name stay-at-home moms!) for all the unpaid volunteer work they do. Those "good" suburban schools and those "good" private schools get that way by using hundreds of hours of volunteer work from parents, primarily mothers. The PTA budgets of some schools rival that of small businesses. The negotiation skills required to create an effective PTA board are much the same as those used in politics. These moms organize and stock food pantries and community outreach programs. They're not getting paid for what they do, and it's not a "career" in a traditional sense, but I believe every minute of such work is entirely worthwhile. Calling such women "stay-at-home moms" when THEY'RE HARDLY EVER HOME degrades every bit of work they do.<BR/><BR/>Whoa, sorry -- ended up on the soapbox there :-). I realize there must be mothers who do "nothing" but stay home to cook, clean, and do laundry -- but I've never met one. All the non-work-outside-the-home moms I've ever met had a full plate of volunteer activites. Yes, those activies are primarily child-related. They don't look good on a resume -- but they should. Scout leaders, sport coaches, after-school tutors, PTA and non-profit board members -- a lot of these "jobs" are held by women who do not get paid for what they do. Yet I don't believe for a minute that our society could survive without people willing to fulfill those roles. Are we saying that those women are a waste of potential???? Because I can't do that.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27323317.post-44712436746741116452007-09-16T14:17:00.000-07:002007-09-16T14:17:00.000-07:00I agree. So how do we, as a society, force men to ...I agree. So how do we, as a society, force men to step up and sacrifice equally? I've often thought that women should flat-out deny their husbands and boyfriends children unless they agree to share in the work. (Of course, a lot of men say they will and then don't do it, but in that case I suppose there's always the option to leave, taking the kids, if he doesn't live up to his end of the bargain. Or, on second thought, leave <I>him</I> with the kids. That'd make him get with the program.)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15058219643912780497noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27323317.post-79797973037517174592007-09-16T05:42:00.000-07:002007-09-16T05:42:00.000-07:00I agree that no one should structure their life en...I agree that no one should structure their life entirely around their children, but I disagree with 'motherhood is not a great accomplishment.' It's easy to be a bad mother, but the effort, thought, stress and love that goes into rearing a child is much greater than that of climbing a mountain or traveling the world. Besides, most mothers in the world can't dream of running a corporation or doing self-satisfying things like traveling. They are too busy working for survival, their own and their children's, and its only a privileged western few that have the chance to have wonderful experiences for their own sake. <BR/><BR/>The problem is not too much emphasis on the real value of motherhood - in patriarchal discourse it primarily seems to be a duty rather than a worthwhile vocation - but in the fact that it's always the mother and rarely the father that's expected to sacrifice her own interests for the child.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com